Found an interesting link to the article. It is funny written, but probably true.
Kirby's paradox
The Kirby vacuum cleaner is the most sophisticated "home cleaning system" there is: two powerful Harley-Davidson motors, forty attachment functions, a $ 30 million Zipbrush with an integrated rotor, and a dedicated fan , released from the bowels of the space agency NASA ... Why does this wonderful machine not work in every our home?
Wanna free carpet shampoo, baby? 1
My neighbor, a young, elegant and business woman, works for the American insurance company AIG. A week ago I found her in the company of my wife in the kitchen over a cup of coffee, a glass of liquor and in a state of gambling whispering, the lofty meaning of which is not available to any man in the world. The result of this whispering was an event that struck me from the spot with its absurdity: supposedly some acquaintance works for some American company selling vacuum cleaners, and this, they say, the company is holding an advertising campaign: they go home (of course: everything is done in close circle!) and dry-clean your carpets for free. “And what in return?” I screwed up my eyes, as befits a person who has just published a two-volume book about “The Great Scams of the 20th Century.” “The fact of the matter is that nothing at all! Free-for-charge! "It's amazing how you can carry through your whole life a pure faith in the existence of a disinterested ball business." Well, well, "I chuckled and immediately forgot about the incident.
The representative of the vacuuming company showed up at our house at noon the next day. As usual, I was dying hopelessly at the computer, so the honor and burden of communication fell on the shoulders of my wife. Five minutes later Svetlana looked into the office: "Come out, please, he asks you to attend." "To attend what? Carpet cleaning? So I was present last Sunday, my back still hurts." The wife left, then came back: "Well, go out for a minute, he doesn't start without you! It's not a vacuum cleaner, but some kind of spacecraft. Imagine, he has a Harley-Davidson motor!" "What-oh-oh ?!" - after the publication of "Potato-potato" I take any information about this legendary company to heart. It looks like it was time to get acquainted with the miracle vacuum cleaner.
Admin, a smart, formal-looking man of about 35, in a suit and tie (a good outfit for a carpet cleaner!), Enthusiastically shook my hand and proceeded to eviscerate the vacuum cleaner box of a completely unfamiliar Brand: Kirby. Ultimate G Diamond Edition with a proud addition: "Made in America for 90 Years since 1914" 2.
- Wow, Admin! Where has your "Kerby" been hiding for 90 years? I have never heard of him ...
“Kirby,” Roman corrected condescendingly. - It's just that vacuum cleaners from this company have never been sold in stores. In Russia, a representative office was opened only three years ago, and we also sell Ultimate G only during home demonstrations.
"Yeah, well, now everything is clear," I thought, and glanced victoriously at my wife. "Here is the price of a free carpet cleaner: they will sniff a vacuum cleaner." How wrong I was! Demonstration of the capabilities of "Kirby" lasted ... four hours (!), However, I cannot call it a banal sniffing. Best of all, this action can be conveyed by one of the reprises of the legendary American comedians of the 70s Chicha and Chong:
- The hero of our show is Bob Beacham, former Dean of the Philosophy Department at Harvard University. Bob, tell us why you got kicked out of the pulpit?
- Evil tongues say that I went on a too long "acid cruise" 4, but this is not true. I just played the "Black Sabbath" record at 78 rpm!
- What happened?
- I saw God!
In my situation, the record was the Ultimate G vacuum cleaner, whose perfection cannot be described in any words (it is no coincidence that the demonstration of capabilities serves as the main argument), and the salesman Admin spun this record at 78 revolutions, demonstrating a sample of such a "hard-sell" 5 that from a prolonged session we and his wife came out exhausted and on the verge of a nervous breakdown.Later I learned that it is the amalgam of absolute quality and semi-criminal sales technique that determines Kirby's reputation all over the world (vacuum cleaners are sold in 60 countries).
Let's make a reservation right away: "Kirby" does not in any way correlate with the king of multilevel marketing, the "Amway" company - a worthy exhibit of our museum of the Great Scams of the XX century (see "Amway - the grandson of Baal", "BZ" No. 22, from 2003). First, Kirby does not build a zombie pyramid of "share directs" that sponsor each other. Secondly, it sells goods that are hundreds of parsecs apart in quality from the faded Amway consumer goods. Judge for yourself.
Personally, I can't imagine how you can sell a vacuum cleaner for ... THREE THOUSAND THREE DOLLARS! Unsurprisingly, Admin only mentioned the hefty price tag of his Ultimate G Diamond Edition at the very end of the four-hour demo. Of course, one glance is enough to guess: "Kirby" will be more expensive than its "penny-sucking" Korean counterpart. A mind-boggling design at the junction of futuristic lines and languid retro 30s (with a streamlined shape reminiscent of a Bugatti!), An uncompromisingly armor-piercing design made of ultra-modern metals, an automatic gearbox (!) That drives the wheels, two powerful engines from Harley, a sea of attachments that allow the Untimate G to perform forty functions (among others: pumping balls, vibrating, polishing the floor, trimming dogs and even clearing sewers!). Throw in the signature Zipbrush with an integrated rotor, which cost $ 30 million to develop (you should have seen how reverently Admin pronounced that number!), A special fan from NASA's labs, and you have the ultimate home system. cleaning ", which only exists in the world. And yet, the design and family ties with the Apollo 13 are not enough to justify the inhuman price of Ultimate G. That's when the main trump card comes into play - a demonstration of the vacuum cleaner's work!
Everything that "Kirby" did in the hands of Roman, invariably happened in comparison with a competitor - a "Korean" who has long been registered in our house, sucking, though not for a penny, but not much more. At first, Admin invited me to work hard on any part of the carpet with my regular vacuum cleaner, then with a light touch of the boot, he turned on the drive on the Ultimate G automatic transmission and after two or three rentals he laid out literally a centimeter of thick dust and dirt on the snow-white mug of the demonstration filter. It’s incomprehensible where all this came from: at least outwardly, the carpet looked completely clean. By the way, about the filter circles that Admin laid out in dozens all over the house (obviously for a reason!).
While Admin vacuumed the walls and ceilings, climbed into the most distant corners of the cabinet with a bizarrely curved hose and sucked sugar from under the box tightly pressed to the floor with a 100% result, his whole appearance made it clear: "Sha, guys, these are flowers!" The berries arose after Kirby walked a couple of times on the sleeping mattress and left a thick layer of pale gray pollen on the demo filter. "Do you know what this is?" - Admin asked menacingly. "Dust?" - frightened in advance, suggested Svetlana. “Ha-ha-ha!” The Kirby salesman exclaimed, extracting a photograph of a disgusting insect from a solid dossier. “Meet the dust mite! In a dream, a person erases the outer skin, and a dust mite drags it into mattresses and blankets. Organic mass on the filter. - this is the processed excrement of the parasite! " After a pause and enjoying the horror on our faces, Admin continued: "The worst thing is that the organic mass from the mattress rises into the air with our every move and stays in the air at a height of 20 centimeters for two hours. No vacuum cleaner in the world is able to relieve allergy sufferers. this deadly danger. Only Kirby! The Ultimate G's suction depth from under dense fabric surfaces reaches 45 centimeters. " “Well, what?” Admin concluded victoriously.- Do you need such a vacuum cleaner in the house or not? "" Needed! "- we blurted out in one breath." So what stops you from purchasing our unique home cleaning system? "" Of course, the price! "
Admin was pleased that events were developing strictly according to an unshakable scenario: "Of course, the price is rather big, and therefore our company has developed a special financing plan that allows people with even the most modest income to become happy owners of Kirby." This was followed by a touching story about how Admin demonstrated Ultimate G to his mother, who loved the magic machine so much that she literally begged her son to sell the vacuum cleaner on an unheard of preferential scheme: one hundred dollars now, tomorrow another 1,000 ("I'll borrow it at work!"). and then $ 345 for 8 months. "I think I can offer you exactly the same deferral scheme as an exception. Hand in hand?" - Admin looked into my eyes with hope.
Well, Admin turned out to be an excellent salesman and brilliantly convinced me of the irreplaceable Kirby in the household (I close my eyes and immediately see a dust mite!). In the end, it was not his fault that fate brought him to a computer "geek" 6. And so ... Within five minutes I learned from the Internet that the average price of Ultimate G from an American dealer is $ 1,100-1,200, and the most popular financing plan is $ 3 a day with zero advance. In several online stores you can buy Kirby for only $ 899 in the most complete set and with free shipping anywhere in the world. True, bypassing Kirby itself: the manufacturer's website clearly states that sales are carried out exclusively through home demonstrations by independent authorized distributors, and vacuum cleaners in retail stores and online stores are, like, reconditioned used and are not covered by the factory warranty. But here, as they say, for an amateur: either for $ 899 and without a factory warranty (instead of it - a 5-year warranty from the selling organization), or for $ 3,300 - with a factory warranty. Suum cuique (to each his own (lat.)).
🔗
