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 Everyone has problems with teenagers. We, parents, are irritated by their inattention, impudence, unwillingness to understand that we are doing everything for their own good. We try to talk to them calmly, they don't listen. We start shouting at them, the result is even worse. So what do we do with our grown-up children?
Different parents have different parenting methods. Someone conducts endless educational conversations, reads notations, clearly defines for the child what is allowed and what is not. Someone, on the contrary, gives him complete freedom, thinking that he is fulfilling the main duty of a parent - to feed, clothe, and shoe. There is no time or desire left for everything else.
And the child needs neither lectures, nor punishment, nor absolute freedom. He needs understanding and attention. Of course, you need to devote a lot of time to him, to do something with him that is interesting not only to you, but to him, to organize joint trips to nature or to the same theater, cinema, exhibition. It's good if your child's friends gather in your house and you show that you are happy about it, even if you are tired and yearn for peace.
You also need to understand that a child is a person and, like any person, he has his own priorities. Problems often arise in this regard.
Sometimes they are quite small and easily resolved.
Don't you like that old T-shirt that your son wears endlessly? Or those frayed jeans? Are you offended that he does not look at the expensive trousers that you presented? It makes no sense to start a scandal because of this. Almost all teenagers are strongly influenced by the opinions of friends. Perhaps it is in this old T-shirt that the son feels more confident. Better to listen to his opinion and buy things together next time.
Do you not like that your daughter's room is always a mess, things are scattered about, the bed is not made? In this problem, first of all, you yourself are to blame, because you need to teach a child to order from the first months of life. Remember, all the time you folded toys for your child, tried to dress, put on shoes, tie a scarf for him or lace up his shoes, even when he learned to do it on his own. So why scandalize now? The child is used to the fact that someone is always doing everything behind him. To cope with this problem, some families set up a "duty schedule" with comic encouragement from the "best cleaners" or carry out joint spring cleaning, for example, on weekends. It is important for the child to feel his need and significance, even in such a seemingly simple matter.
But there are more serious problems. Your son got in touch with bad company, started missing classes. What to do? To scold? Punish? Forbid?
If this happened to your child, then something is missing in the house. Something that he found in that very company. You need to calmly, without panic, try to figure out what is the matter. Perhaps you are endlessly busy with your career, or are you spending all your time "getting your daily bread"? Of course, you are right, the family needs to be supported, but your child, left to himself, has found a replacement for you. The solution to this problem is very difficult. First, you need to return your child's lost attraction to you, come up with some interesting activity for him and participate in it together. It is very important to make it clear to the child that you take into account his opinion, that you cannot cope without him. You can also try to interest the child financially. Abroad, where the family business is flourishing everywhere, children begin to take part in it very early and this does not harm anyone. On the contrary, children learn to be responsible and independent.So nothing bad will happen if you try to give your child some money. Let him buy himself something necessary and desirable for the money he earned. Passion for business has always helped to distract from bad deeds.
In conclusion, I would like to say, no matter what problem with the child arises, we must never forget that this is YOUR child, that you love him and that it depends on your wise actions how your relationship will develop further and what kind of life your child will have in the future. ...
Merkelova E.
A section of the forum dedicated to our children.
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